Losing anyone that was once near to you is painful. You have to mourn that relationship whether it was positive or negative.
My grief taught me not to possess people, we borrow people, no one truly belongs to us and there is no guarantee they will be here tomorrow, whether they pass on or just decide they no longer want to be in our lives. Grieving the loss of a relationship when the person is still alive takes time and requires healing before you are capable of moving on. A breakup or divorce disrupts everything. You have to change habits, lifestyle, extended family members, you name it. Things change tremendously and you barely will have time to catch your breath. During a break up you question your own identity and start to have doubts about your future.
How will I move on?
I can’t live without them.”
When battling a break up you experience feeling like a failure and begin to be disappointed, stressed out, and grieving. Here are some tips that can help you get through the grieving process, which will be essential to your healing.
Recognize what it is you are actually feeling in that moment. I like to pull out my journal and ask myself “How do I feel about this”. Write every emotion you feel in that moment, no matter how ugly it is. I’ve had to admit the worst things to myself like “ I'm mad that this ended because I don’t want to see them with someone else”. Whatever it is you're experiencing, recognize it. If you are jealous then say that, if you are scared of the unknown, and that’s why you’ve stayed in this relationship as long as you did then say that. Whatever you feel is valid and it’s best to start with knowing how you feel about the ending of this relationship in order to get through it.
Reach out for support. You are strong and able to get through anything, but you may need some help along the way. Reach out to friends and family or support groups that can surround you with love and empathy. People that have experienced loss are great to confide in and can always share their stories which will fill you with hope. The most important thing about connecting with others is to ensure you have at least one place or person you feel comfortable opening up to. This can be your soundboard or your cheerleader. This person is there to provide you an ear to hear you and a shoulder for you to cry on.
Self-care is the best care- Nurture yourself and take time to get to know yourself better. Learn what it is you enjoy and like about yourself. We lose a bit of ourselves in relationships and a lot of ourselves in toxic relationships. In this time spend it pampering yourself, go on walks, take long baths, get a massage. Do what feels good to you. Some people enjoy retail therapy while others enjoy reading a book, whatever it is that feels like self-care to you, you do that. You deserve to feel special, wanted, and loved, and there’s no better person that needs to love you more than you need to love yourself.
Everything NEW- Go out and make new friends, you may have lost friends or extended family members within this break up and there’s nothing better than the experience of getting to know new like-minded people. Explore new interests, go out, and see new views. Try to learn something new. On this exploration of newness, you may find your passion or your purpose. Go out and find adventure, and that is not to say make an extreme decision to move cross country, I actually don’t think you should make any major life decisions too soon after a loss. Start small and take baby steps toward a new brighter future.
A breakup or divorce can be your toughest battle, try not to blame yourself or dwell on what could have been. Focus your energy inwards and on the betterment of yourself in all aspects. Amid a loss of a relationship, focus on yourself and find meaningful activities to do with your life. As you look back on this relationship, learn more about yourself, learn your likes and dislikes, and find your nonnegotiables for the next relationship. Love yourself and remind yourself often that you are capable of getting through anything, life has to throw at you.
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